關於左肩的疼痛

我想告訴你關於
右肩的疼痛持續已久
那陣陣的隱隱的鬧騰的
藏在血肉中不安分的
其實也想逃脫的小獸
困於一片與另一片肌肉間
左…右…衝…撞…
你不知道這疼痛牠
牠也受到的折磨是
如一枚陷入琥珀的針
無處借力以逃遁
一團青色的瘀脹
於是我請左手在右肩
捏戳揉蹭這裡和那裡
最後
嗯
最後便不分左右了

你與我，當一切娛樂無窮......

此時演唱會該是已經開場了，讓我想起另一場錯過的演出。
海報好看得叫人愛不釋手，序章的文字讀了又想再讀，錄了又自己再聽。

___________________________________________________________

發生在故事之前——序章
我不時想起那尾很老的魚。有一次，偶然走到動物園，下雨，水族館，一個魚缸，只有那尾魚、青苔和小石。之後每朝早晨，有時早晨和下午，都回去，一看幾個小時。保安員每次撕入場票，給我一個心照的微笑。
魚不長不短，奶白色的鰭，很靜，不動。魚缸狹小，唯有不動，時間變短變少。牠的靜態把我迷住，我像明白牠暗自的願景：以一種漠然的靜，摒棄時和空。
魚金色眼睛，人一望便掉進去，臉龐幾乎要黏到魚缸玻璃。我搞不清我跟牠的關係，牠是沒有進化完成的動物。每次牠凝望我，鰭稍稍一動，我的背會一痛。
其實我怕魚，若不是保安員在場，我不敢看牠。保安員說：你望得像要吃掉我。我看到魚缸玻璃外自己的臉龐，我的臉龐往後退，忽然明白。
他再沒有來，我不長不短的身軀不多動，靜止。我再次看見在玻璃缸外那雙眼睛，他想的是缸外的事，我明白：他是他，我是我。不需要明白，我只是如他一般思想的魚，魚都一樣。
他曾常來。昨天再來，看很久，然後離開。他已對我沒興趣，只是習慣了便偶然來。
我不時想起他，我和他都沒關係，當初他對我好奇，現在都不是他的事。
我只能安慰自己，想著他在寫一個關於魚的故事，有關一個人在魚缸前看魚的故事。

Memories of My Melancholy Whores-2

Three hundred girls in white blouse with Ash Wednesday crosses on their foreheads were sewing buttons in the vast, illuminated nave. When they saw us come in they sat up straight, like schoolgirls, and watched out of the corners of their eyes as the manager explained his contributions to the ummemorial art of attaching buttons. I scrutinized each of their faces, terrified that I would discover Delgadina dressed and awake.    

看到这段的时候突然想起了小王子，如果小王子发现了一个花园种满玫瑰，他还能一眼认出那朵独一无二的吗？人在眼前时既真实又模糊，茫茫之中任什么，把一个人和一个人连结。

She sighed.Do you know something? In more half a century, this is the first time I haven't received you in bed. We're not who we were, I said. She continued without hearing me: Every time they say things about you on the radio, applaud you for the affection people feel for you, call you the maestro of love, just imagine, I think that nobody knew your charms and your manias as well as I did. I'm serious, she said, nobody could have put up with you better. I could not bear it any more. She sensed it, saw my eyes wet with tears, and only then must have discovered I was no longer the man I had been, and I endured her glance with a courage I never thought I had. The truth is I'm getting old, I said. We already are old, she said with a sigh. What happens is that you don't feel it on the inside, but from the outside everybody can see it.

Today I look back, I see the line of thousands of men who passed through my beds, and I'd give my soul to have stayed with even the worst of them. Thank God I found my Chinaman in time. It's like being married to your little finger, but he's all mine.  

老情人相见，半生情怨一笑而过。

Still, when I woke alive on the first morning of my nineties in the happy bed of Delgadina, I was transfixed by the agreeable idea that life was not something that passes by like Heraclitus' ever-changing river but a unique opportunity to turn over on the grill and keep broiling on the other side for another ninety years. 

也许这一句话就可以代替百年孤独了。

I went out to the street, radiant, and for the first time I could recognize myself on the remote horizon of my first century. My house, silent and in order at six-fifteen, began to enjoy the colors of a joyous dawn. Damiana was singing at the top of her voice in the kitchen, and the resusciated cat twined his tail around my ankles and continued walking with me to my writing table. I was arranging my languishing papers, the inwell, the goose quill, when the sun broke through the almond trees in the park and the river mail packet, a week late because of the drought, bellowed as it entered the canal in the port. It was, at last, real life, with my heart safe and condemned to die of happy love in the joyful agony of any after my hundredth birthday. 

好一个温暖宜人的结尾。